A sassy response to the annoying question “But what about socialization?” isn’t for everyone, and I wouldn’t respond to everyone this way. However, my friends who know me know that I’m a straight-shooter, and that it is all in good humor.
Of course, as homeschoolers, we know that our kids are socialized, and probably socialized in a more normal way. If you’re a new homeschooler, it’s just a matter of time before someone asks, “But what about socialization?” as if homeschoolers don’t socialize! As if public schoolers are the only ones to have all of the social graces!
Yes, We Go Places!
I had a friend ask the “But what about socialization?” question, (a friend without children, mind you). My response: “Did you know that I own something called a vehicle that can take me places? Co-ops, playdates, classes, playgrounds, etc. No, I am not actually in my house all day with my kid.” We both started laughing, because if anyone were to really take a moment to critically think about the question, they would realize what a ridiculous question it really is! If any of us moms are stuck at home with just our kids all week, we’re doing everything in our power to change that.
Pointed Questions
Pointed questions are also fun. “What social skills does my kid lack?” “Specifically, how are your children’s social skills more developed?” Instead of getting defensive, or feel like you need to defend anything (you don’t), ask them questions. Turn it around. Easy to do nowadays, “Aren’t you concerned about social media pressure?” “What about the lack of real socialization due to cell phones?” “What about the lack of outdoor play in schools?” Our district has a twenty minute recess, TWENTY MINUTES! That is insanity.
Pure Sarcasm
“Yeah, we stay home all day and interact with literally no one else.” If they can’t pick up on the sarcasm, (or the fact that this question is getting annoying), maybe they should get their social skills assessed! This is great for those family members or friends who keep asking, “But what about socialization?” and perhaps didn’t listen to your first kind response. Sarcasm is great for just shutting down the discussion so you can save your energy and move on with your life.
Anecdotes of How the Normal System has Failed
Sharing anecdotes of how the normal system has failed children has been useful. No, this doesn’t address their question directly, and that is fine. Instead of socialization being the most important thing in life and education, there are some families that actually have had bigger things to deal with, like dyslexia. That child felt like a failure and came home with tears every day after 3 years in public school, (a well-rated public school). How social is that kid going to be when he feels like a failure in only the third grade?
Additionally, how much learning is going to happen if that kid is stressed out? Another friend was told her daughter has ADD. I know ADD is a real thing, but it’s an unfair diagnosis when kids are only allowed to play outside for 30 minutes in a 7-hour school day. Her school has failed her.
How Do You Define Socialization?
Everyone has different definitions and expectations of social behavior. I had a friend define it as “The activity of mixing in the company of others, especially for pleasure. We are socialized by spending time with people we love, which for me would include my children.” Another reason I prefer to not send them to school all day, every day.
Read: Why I Am Not 100% an Unschooler
Homeschoolers Do It Best for Learning to Socialize
I feel like my child can socialize in a more normal and relaxed way with homeschooling than at school. He can pick his friends, decide when he’s done socializing and go home. And, he does not have to hang out with kids he doesn’t particularly like or get along with.
He also gets to hang out with kids who are younger and older. It’s not all the same exact age group. It’s nice to see how patient and nurturing he is with the younger ones, and what he learns from the older ones. Being able to be friends with those who are younger and older really broadens your friend options.
Homeschooling, I imagine, provides more time for him to hang out with friends if anything, instead of just hanging out after school. I think this mimics more how adults socialize, because it isn’t forced.
Know That You’re Doing a Great Job!
There are some people in my life who are very social and can talk my head off, however, they do not add any actual intelligence to the conversation. Some kids need to quietly think, and it’s interesting how in the U.S. there is so much emphasis on talking a lot and being social. We value being social as a culture, but do we value critical thinking, empathy, and creativity as being equally important?
At the end of the day, you’re not going to change anyone’s mind about homeschooling, socialization, being a stay-at-home mom, or anything else. It’s something people have to make up their own minds about. The only accolades I’ve received for being a stay-at-home mom who homeschools has been from retired teachers, which says a lot, I think.
As a homeschooler, how would you respond to the question, “But what about socialization?”
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